Monday, April 1, 2013

WHEN GOD DISAPPOINTS YOU

            I would venture to guess that everyone who takes their Christian Faith seriously and tries to walk with God has at one time or another felt that God has let them down or did not answer their sincere prayers.  Sometimes these may be fleeting thoughts and feelings.  At other times the feeling of disappointment with God can become very troubling to the soul and lead to depression, spiritual coldness, rebellion or loss of faith.

Two Examples
 When I was a child I heard of a man who experienced such disappointment towards God that he ended up turning completely from faith to agnosticism, if not atheism.  I would dare say that many people who profess to be agnostics or atheists are there because of some deep disappointment or sense of unfairness they have felt towards God.  Sometimes it may be personal and at other times just a general sense of disappointment or doubt such as is found in the question “Why does God allow innocent people to suffer?”  

            My Dad, who passed away in 1978, was a deeply spiritual man who spent most of his free time reading and memorizing the Bible and in prayer.  He could quote whole chapters from memory.  After I would go to bed at night he would read and pray into the late hours of the night.   Many times I could hear him praying for his children.  But there came a day when he experienced bitter disappointment towards God. 

            Dad believed that war is evil and contrary to the will of God.  When World War II broke out he had two sons who were eligible for the draft.  He prayed fervently that they would be delivered from the war and for reasons I don’t remember they were both exempted.  Then, after the death of two wives and marriage to my mother, who was much younger than he was, he had more children.  When the Vietnam War broke out my brother was draft age.   With the firm conviction that war is evil and that God had promised to grant whatever we ask in faith, once again he prayed fervently that my brother would be delivered from the war.  But then my brother was drafted and sent to Vietnam.   My Dad’s faith went into a tailspin that lasted for years and from which he never fully recovered. 

            He was disappointed, hurt and angry.  Had not God promised to hear and answer the prayer of faith?  But God didn’t.  He felt betrayed and full of doubts.  He stopped praying and reading and wouldn’t go to church.  “What’s the use?” he said, “Where is God?”  He was no longer certain about God and became somewhat of an agnostic.  For years he grieved and struggled.  Eventually he was able to start praying again but mostly repeating over and over, “Lord, have mercy”.   That seemed to be the most he could do.  Then, in time, he recovered enough to start reading the Bible again.  His last years in illness were spent praying, “Lord, have mercy”.

How Do We Perceive God?
So what are we to do when we feel disappointed thinking God has let us down or isn’t there for us?  First, we must face some common human fallacies pertaining to our ideas about God and our reactions to God.  Our conclusions about a subject are only as valid as the ideas the conclusions are based upon.  If we begin with faulty assumptions we end up with faulty conclusions.

            The moment I question God’s justice, or accuse God of failing me, or feel God has disappointed me, I have already created a god after my own image.  I now perceive God as another human being.  If God is truly God then He is above all human frailty, guile or capriciousness.  He is above all human judgments and assessments.  The moment I set myself in judgment of God’s actions or lack thereof, I have set myself above Him and made myself God.  How can I, a sinful and blind human being, set in judgment of God as though I am all knowing?   The very idea that I know more or better than God is already to make myself God.  If God is truly God, the only valid response is one we learn from suffering Job.  When his wife told him to curse God for all the tragedy and devastation God allowed to come to him he replied, “Though He slay me, yet will I serve Him.”

How Do We Perceive Ourselves?
            Then there is this subtle, semi-conscious idea that lies just below the surface that somehow because I am a believer I should be delivered from the tragedies and sufferings of this world.  Rather, I should ask myself, “Why should I escape or be exempt from the suffering, hurt, pain and tragedy that is common to a fallen world and that so many others have to endure?”  Is it not my arrogance, my self-righteousness and self-centeredness that make me think so? The Christian Faith has never offered any promise of escape from the suffering and consequences of a fallen world this side of eternity.  In fact, the suffering of this world is seen as a vehicle of God’s mercy that can lead us to the humility and repentance that turns suffering into redemption.  The cross of our Saviour is, of course, the ultimate example of this and His followers are called to take up the cross, deny self, and follow Him. 

            The very sinfulness that causes us to think we should be above the suffering that is common to mankind also blinds us to what is sometimes the reason for our failures that lead to suffering.  Rather than blaming God we could ask ourselves if or how our wrong desires and choices have led us to the place where we feel abandoned by God.  Often it is we who by our choices, desires and associations have abandoned and disappointed Him.  Often we choose certain paths convincing ourselves it is what God wants while failing to see that our motives, desires and intentions are never completely pure and selfless.

The Alternative Is Worse Than The Problem
            Finally, we must consider the alternative.  If I conclude that God is unjust or has failed me or not lived up to His promises and I can no longer believe in or follow such a God, then what is left?  Only the absolute darkness, emptiness and absurdity of a world and life with no meaning or purpose.   It is the world that Solomon described as “vanity of vanities, all is vanity”.   So I must ask myself, “Which is better?  A God that is beyond my understanding and comprehension or a world and life of total absurdity with no meaning or purpose?”

            So in my disappointments I should ask myself some questions.  Is my faith in God or in myself?  Will I humble myself or exalt myself? How did I contribute to my disappointment? Will I trust in God or trust in the absurdity of a godless world?